Tuesday, 23 June 2015

Jurassic World - Review By Big Man Gav!

Hello Folks,
Jonny T here with a review of literally the biggest summer blockbuster in years, Smashing box office records all over the world it certainly is a monster hit, Right that's enough of cheesey balls, On to the review, Take it away Big Man and of course the final words from the uber cool kid Fred!!

Hello sir, I have already seen it mate. In fact here be my thought for the blog. Enjoy!

Jurassic World

To be fair, right from seeing Jurassic Park for the first time back in the early nineties I have never been a huge fan. Dinosaurs just don't do it for me in quite the same way as flying Deloreans, aliens with lighty up fingers or transforming robots do. All three movies kind of left me feeling under whelmed and this new instalment to the franchise was all but consigned to the 'might get the blu ray in the run up to Christmas' pile. Even considering its impressive partnership with Lego which I normally swarm around like a fly on shit! Recently however, I saw the trailer ahead of a Mad Max screening and my opinion began to sway. Despite some dodgy looking plot involving Chris Pratt leading a pack of Raptors on a dirt bike(!) I was actually feeling quite excited. Naturally, my eight year old son Fred, a bonafide 'creature feature' fanatic, was of course all over this already and needed no persuasion whatsoever in accompanying dad to a Friday morning matinee. God bless teacher training days!
So where does this new entry fit into the Jurassic Park story arch. It's not one of those shoddy re-imaginings is it? You might well ask. Well, for all intense purposes Jurassic World is a direct sequel to the original film with little to no interest in 'Lost world' or part 3. Quite why anybody would still want to visit a dino park after the tragedy from decades previous is lightly skirted around and Hammond's original dream of creating a pre-historic wonderland is already in full swing. Mankind's insatiable appetite for bigger and better thrills has forced the park scientists to splice different bits of dinosaurs together creating 'supersaurs' like the latest attraction, a hybrid 'Indominus Rex'. I'll try and avoid any real spoilers but suffice to say it isn't long before things go wrong and everything becomes very familiar. Maybe too familiar, as some of the set pieces are practically grafted from the original film but if i'm totally honest that's about all I can find wrong with Jurassic World. I can't offer a true opinion of the 3D aspect as we opted for 'XPLUS'. Ultra HD albeit 2D picture, state of the art sound, blah, blah, blah. Everything looked awesome, including the convincing CGI, but this day and age you kind of expect that from a summer blockbuster. For me the beauty lies within. Hats off to the script writers for managing to almost completely one eighty my opinion and come up with an exciting and genuinely enjoyable Jurassic movie. It might not be particularly original, borrowing the best bits from Aliens, Jaws and everything in between but it sure is fun! Director Colin Treverrow does a sterling job of following in Spielberg's footsteps and although relatively unheard of is a talent to watch. In lesser hands i'm sure they would have bungled sensitive issues like man and raptor side by side but thankfully, Treverrow keeps it fairly sensible. Bryce Dallas Howard is as good as ever and Chris Pratt continues his domination of Hollywood and from watching this it's no surprise he is tipped to be the next Indiana Jones. In line for a golden Jonny this year must be youngster Ty Simpkins for his wonderful portrayal of kid in peril 'Gray'. With 25+ credits already under his belt he's no newcomer but surely destined for greatness. He brings great sensitivity to his character that I can't recall seeing since the likes of Henry Thomas and Drew Barrymore in E.T. Vincent D'Onofrio plays human protagonist Hoskins, a man on a mission to weaponise Dinosaurs in a subplot not entirely dissimilar to, yep you guessed it, Aliens. Like I said before Jurassic World won't win any awards for originality but if the record breaking opening weekend figures of £500,000,000 are anything to go by who cares? It was great family entertainment and I am looking forward to the just-announced follow up. So what did Fred think of Dinosaurs being back on the big screen? I'll let him have the final words... "AWESOME WICKED COOL!"

After thought by Jonny T......

Well thanks Gav I knew you  and Fred would love it, Here are a brief thoughts of mine, It was full of Hollywood cheese of course it was, I loved the way they toyed around and tied in the old stuff to the brand new shiny Jurassic World, Also there is a TON of nods as Gav said to classics such as Jaws and Aliens. I do like the theory currently floating around about Chris Pratt actually being the Kid from the first film being told told by Sam Neil to "Respect" the Raptors. So in summing up for me it was everything I expected and then some, We were spoiled by Ray Harryhausen movies as kids so imagine what the kids these days think of movies like this, Loved it,
Jonny T.

Monday, 15 June 2015



Warner Bros. Pictures UK and New Line Cinema present Blumhouse Productions “THE GALLOWS” - in UK CINEMAS FROM JULY 17 2015.

The FIRST OFFICIAL CLIP for THE GALLOWS - In UK cinemas July 17, 2015 - brings a terrifying new twist to edge of the seat horror. Are you ready for The Hangman? Witness the spine-chilling OPENING SCENE now...

Synopsis: “The Gallows”

Twenty years after an accident caused the death of the lead actor during a high school play, students at the same small town school resurrect the failed stage production in a misguided attempt to honour the anniversary of the tragedy—but ultimately find out that some things are better left alone.

Starring Cassidy Gifford, Ryan Shoos, Reese Mishler and Pfeifer Brown. Written and directed by Travis Cluff and Chris Lofing.

The Hangman awaits........................

Sunday, 14 June 2015

Mayhem to host UK Premiere of The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) and very special guests!!

Hello Folks,
Jonny T here with some great news! Human Centipede 3 gets in UK premier at Broadway Cinema in my home town of Nottingham on Saturday 4th of July. Now not only is it having it's premier but its a whole day of insanity with Director Tom Six and The best horror evil bad ass in years Dr Dieter Laser in attendance! There are massively mixed reviews of all three movies on the old tiniterwebs and to be honest I was not a fan of number 2 but I will be taking the plunge on the whole day and diving in head first, But not in that way! All details below, see you there!
Jonny T.

Mayhem to host UK Premiere of The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence)

Mayhem Film Festival will host the UK Premiere of the final chapter of the most controversial trilogy of the 21st century, The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence), at Broadway, Nottingham on Saturday 4 July.

Tom Six, Creator and Director of the trilogy, and Dieter Laser, star of the first and final sequence will be heading to Nottingham to present the 100% politically incorrect sequel, before taking part in a post-screening Q&A.

The grand finale of the “world’s sickest horror franchise” will see bully prison warden, Bill Boss (Dieter Laser), find a revolutionary idea which could change the American prison system for good.

Audience members are encouraged to come to the event in costume – as one of the films’ characters or as a centipede (human or other) – with a chance to win cash prizes; and ticket holders will also be invited to the film’s after party for a chance to meet the brains behind the trilogy and celebrate the conclusion of the notorious franchise.

Chris Cooke, Co-Director of Mayhem Film Festival, says: "We're delighted that Dieter Laser, the star of the first film and of this final chapter in the story will be with us at Broadway Cinema, alongside his director, Tom Six, the mastermind behind this fascinating franchise. The Human Centipede films are hugely over-the-top entertainment - and we want to build on that, inviting audiences to participate and come in costume. This is perhaps the most controversial series of films this century, so it's a pleasure to be invited to host this historic event."

Limited tickets are also available for the most devoted fans who would like to watch all three films end-to-end. Ticket holders for the Premiere can book free tickets for The Human Centipede 1 and The Human Centipede 2, in Broadway’s Lounge, earlier on in the day.

Tickets are now available at normal ticket prices. To find out more information and to book tickets, please visit Human Centipede at Broadway or contact the Broadway box office on 0115 952 6611.

Sunday, 31 May 2015

THE GALLOWS - First look at FULL TRAILER - In UK Cinemas from JULY 17


Hello Folks,
Jonny T here with the first trailer for The Gallows, Saw a easer trailer for it last week before that pile of shit that was The Poltergeist remake. With all teaser trailers it didn't  really show you much but sure looked creepy! So we now  present you the full trailer, My nephew lewis really wants to see it so whether it be good or bad it looks like I'll be off to the cinema on a Sunday morning again, When I asked him what it was about all he said was " Demons, Oooooo!!" So I'm sold! All details and full trailer below,
Jonny T.

Warner Bros. Pictures UK and New Line Cinema present Blumhouse Productions “THE GALLOWS” - in UK CINEMAS FROM JULY 17 2015.

We are pleased to reveal the first FULL LENGTH TRAILER for THE GALLOWS which arrives in cinemas on July 17, 2015.  From Blumhouse Productions (Insidious, Sinister) this release from Warner Bros. Pictures UK marks a return to the truly terrifying for NEW LINE CINEMA.

THE GALLOWS is written and directed by Travis Cluff and Chris Lofing and also stars Cassidy Gifford, Ryan Shoos, Reese Mishler and Pfeifer Brown.

Originally tipped to be released September 4 2015, THE GALLOWS will now be screening in UK cinemas from JULY 17 2015.

Synopsis: “The Gallows”
Twenty years after an accident caused the death of the lead actor during a high school play, students at the same small town school resurrect the failed stage production in a misguided attempt to honour the anniversary of the tragedy—but ultimately find out that some things are better left alone.


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Monday, 25 May 2015

Poltergeist 2015 - Reviewed X 2!

Another Sunday morning trip to the cinema, This time to see the remake of Poltergeist or as I named it after Poltershite, Me and Gav both share our views below, 1st up is the thoughts of the Big Man......

Okay, so lets be fair any kind of follow up to Poltergeist was going to be a tough act to follow. Although directed by Tobe Hooper, who is a bit of a fair weather film director at the best of times IMO, it was Spielberg pulling most of the strings behind the camera on this 'go to' haunted house classic. Even the sequels paled in comparison to the original so a modern re-make was always going to be terrible right? Well yes, sadly. Even the clever marketing ploy to use the possessed clown toy as a draw in TV spots and posters hints at a film far better than this turned out to be. Nevertheless Jonnys cult films and special guest Blogger Mr Shelton couldn't resist a Sunday morning cozying up on the back row of the cinema. Roll tape...
    I always loved the opening to the original Poltergeist film. The gentle score and family friendly comedic first scenes slowly gave way too something much sinister. At the time you'd be forgiven for thinking that you were watching Spielberg's E.T given that both movies were shot in similar neighbourhoods. This time around that feeling is long gone as the film makers openly use America's debt crisis and unemployment problems as the platform for the Bowen family. Dad Eric (Sam Rockwell) has been out of work for some time after being laid off from his job and is down graded to an impoverished suburb full of foreclosed properties. I couldn't work out if the writers genuinely had a point to make or were just trying to create relatable circumstances for the viewer to identify with. In fairness most of the cast and script do a good job of humanising the characters, particularly the two youngest Dawsons. It slows the pace and to some it might get in the way of some decent scare time but certainly from my point of view I welcomed the good characterisation. The rest of the story plays out quite faithful such as the tv, tree and infamous clown scene but this time around lacks the panache. The '15' rating aside I feel much more could have been achieved particularly with the demonic toys, there simply isn't enough screen time and could have given this remake a much darker tone if used more effectively. Things get progressively worse after the spirits abduct young Maggie and the rest of the family fumble around and don't really take things that serious. Don't get me wrong it's no farce but any respect I had for the characters leading up to the second act was quickly dwindling away by the time the unimpressive CGI kicks in and firmly places Poltergeist 2015 in mediocre remake territory. The arrival of Jared Harris and his cod Irish accent does nothing but add to the misjudged atmosphere. At least he was having a good time... 
    Upon leaving the cinema Jonny and myself compared notes and both wondered why Sam Raimi pulled out of directing. The dark tone of his fairly recent Evil Dead re-hash would have suited Poltergeist better in much the same way that Drag me to hell was a success prior to that, which was also fifteen rated if I'm not mistaken. I can't help but feel that in the right hands Poltergeist would have turned out far more accomplished and i'm somewhat surprised that director Gil Kenan failed too deliver the goods considering his great work on the under appreciated animated 'Monster House' from 2006. The thought of what might have been far outweighs what is on offer which is an overly common sight in horror these days. My best advice is to hang onto those pennies for the upcoming Insidious 3 or the Gallows. If you absolutely have too see Poltergeist at the cinema please DO NOT waste your money on the utterly shit 3D transfer. It's the worst I have seen in ages and its only benefit is the distraction that the blurred mess creates over an already muddled movie...

The kids hand painting made a right mess of dad's new 42" Telly.

Jonny T here with thoughts on the remake of Poltergeist. Now I could Eff and Geoff till the cows come home on this one but I know some people like it so please remember it's only an opinion and my opinion was it was shockingly bad, Not only was it £11 plus £1 for your 3D glasses it was as Gav has mentioned possibly the worse 3D I have ever seen, Blurry, Dark and all round shitty. As for the remake itself that is pretty much the same, Obviously it was never going to be anywhere near as good as the original but as remakes go this is up there with the worse of them. The story plods along quite boring to be honest and an hour and a half near the end started feeling more like being stuck in a triple bill of Hobbit movie and not allowed out. The story is pretty much the same as it would be but with changes such as a Charlie Brooker lookalike dressed as The Exorcist who turns up to clean the house, He is in fact a reality ghost TV show star much to the delight of the older daughter who can't wait to tell her freinds, Hang on a minute? Your little sister has been sucked into a portal to hell and that's your reaction? I kid you not that happens. Now once little chubby faced dark haired squeeky voiced repeats swear words her parents says in a cheeky way girl get sucked into to poltergoose hell that's where the film basically just stops. Sam Rockwell who at one point shits worms out his mouth cries "I Just want my daughter back" But refuses as does the whole family to call the police nobody after that seems bothered in fact they all look as bored as the audience. All in all a terrible remake, Shoddy 3D CGI heavy and all round boring bollocks. If you have booked tickets I would advise getting a refund whilst you can. Best of all have a look on IMDB some people are saying that it's better than the original, But like I say that's just an opinion .Crackheads! 

Friday, 15 May 2015

Housebound gets a UK DVD release date!

Hello Folks,
Jonny T here with great news that HouseBound is set to get a UK DVD release on 20th July! I caught this at last years Nottingham's MAYHEM festival and it was a huge hit, From New Zealand it is horror comedy at it's finest with some great performances and hilarious as well as gross out moments, A definite high recommend from me and watch this space for a full review coming very soon, All details below!
Jonny T.



“Delights in scaring the hell out of you! Bloody brilliant.”


“In terms of pure, unadulterated entertainment, it’s quite possibly the best genre effort of the year.”

IGN – 9/10

“A marvelously entertaining combo of haunted-house thriller, murder mystery and domestic comedy”



Kylie Bucknell is forced to return to the house she grew up in when the court places her on home detention. Her punishment is made worse by the fact she has to live there with her mother Miriam who's convinced that the house is haunted. Kylie dismisses Miriam's superstitions. However, when she too becomes privy to unsettling whispers & strange bumps in the night, she begins to wonder whether she's inherited her overactive imagination, or if the house is in fact possessed by a hostile spirit

Release date 20th July 2015

Certificate TBC & Running time 107 Minutes

DVD RRP / £15.99



Wednesday, 6 May 2015

Human Centipede 3 - Final Sequence trailer

Well bloody Nora the trailer for Human Centipede Final Sequence has hit, Now I have to say that I love the first film, The second one I can take or leave but this looks as bat shit crazy as it gets and you know what? Thank fuck it does! Now for me and many people worldwide I have spoken to have become bored with all the bollocks of the likes of Ouija, Paranormal activity 8 or whatever the fuck number they are on now, Films from a man that made the Tea on the set of Insidious etc..... don't get me wrong it might turn out to be a pile of crap but just the fact that it's going to have it's moments of WTF makes it for me a definite must see and of course the Dr is back! In a different role???? synopsis below, enjoy...............................

  Featuring the leading actors from the first two films, Dieter Laser and Laurence R. Harvey, who will play new characters, along with actors from the first two films: Bill Hutchens (Dr. Sebring in Full Sequence) and Peter Blankenstein (Det. Voller in First Sequenceand Alan in Full), The Human Centipede 3 (Final Sequence) will be released both theatrically and on video on demand on 22 May